It Matters!

I wish I could take credit for this, but this is so good that I had to share!   So many young girls think just because a guy goes to church with them, all is good!

It Matters

My husband and I were once with a youth group. There were three kids sitting across from us at a meal: two guys and a girl. The one guy was a computer geek with glasses. The other one was a college student with slightly cooler hair and no glasses. The girl was obviously with him. But while the computer geek was busy serving everyone at the meal, clearing plates and garbage, the college student got angry with the girl for a small accident and poured red juice over her leather jacket and white shirt. She picked the wrong guy, and the juice didn’t seem to change her mind. She is in for some grief if that relationship continues and especially if it leads to marriage.
So to all the young, unmarried Christian girls out there, listen up: who you marry matters. You might think that the way he treats you isn’t so bad. It’s not going to get better after the wedding. You might think that he’ll change. It’s possible, but most don’t. You might think that you’ll be able to minister to him and help him. Possibly, but if you can’t now, you won’t then, and you will be at risk yourself. A husband should lead and cherish you, not need your counsel for basic personality or behavior issues.
Unless someone married is very frank with you, you can’t understand how much a husband will impact your entire life. Next to salvation there is no other long term event that will change so many areas of your life so deeply. Here are just some of the ways that marriage will impact every aspect of living.

1. It will impact you spiritually. If the guy is not a believer, you can stop right there. You have no business yoking a redeemed soul with an unregenerate one, even if he seems open to change. Christ has bought you with a price and it is not an option to give away that blood bought heart to someone who doesn’t know and love your Lord. It will cripple your spiritual development, open up a host of temptations, stifle your prayer life, make regular church going difficult, and cause massive parenting conflict if you have children.
If the guy is a believer, is he a strong one? Will he lead you in prayer, Bible reading, family devotions, and public worship? Or will you be on your own? Is he going to make spiritual growth a priority or do other things come first? Is he going to ask you how it’s going with your soul so he can help you grow in holiness and love for Christ, or will he leave that to your pastor? Is he going to lead the children in this, or will you have to spearhead that? In church, is he going to help the kids sit well, pray, find the hymn, or will you be the one pointing out what is happening next and helping the family keep up? Many women have married spiritually immature men, thinking that it wasn’t a big issue, or that the man would change, and they were wrong. They bear the scars.
The health of your eternity is at stake. Think carefully.

2. It will impact you emotionally. Is the guy you’re thinking of going to encourage you, love you, be kind to you, and seek to understand you, or will he want to go out with the guys when you’re having a hard night? Will he listen when you are struggling with something or will he be preoccupied with a video game? Is he going to be annoyed when you cry or will he get you Kleenex and give you a hug? Is he going to going to understand that you are probably more tender than he is, more sensitive to issues and comments, or is he regularly going to run rough shod over your feelings? One woman was struggling to breastfeed her new baby, believing that that was the best thing for her, but it was very difficult. Instead of giving support and encouragement, the husband would make mooing sounds whenever he saw his wife working at it. We have to get rid of princess complexes, but we do have emotional needs. Any guy who is uncaring about your feelings and self esteem is selfish and should be left alone.
Be careful – a husband can cripple or foster emotional health.

3. It will impact you physically. Is the guy you’re with going to provide for your basic needs? Will he be able to shelter, clothe and feed you? At one point in our marriage, I was worried that there was no employment opportunity. My husband assured me that he would work at McDonalds, dig ditches, clean up roadkill – whatever it took to provide for the family, regardless of his gifts and training. That’s the kind of attitude you want. A man who doesn’t provide for his household is worse than an infidel (I Tim. 5:8). You might have to help ease the financial burden, but unless your husband is disabled or there is another unusual circumstance, you shouldn’t have to carry it yourself.
Will the man you are with care for your body or abuse it? If he gives you little smacks, kicks, etc. when you’re dating, get away. It’s almost guaranteed that he will abuse you after marriage, and stats show that’s especially true when you are pregnant. Is he going to care for and protect your body or will he hurt it? There are women in churches across America who thought it was no big deal to have little (sort of friendly) punches or slaps from their boyfriends, but who are covering up the bruises from their husbands.
Will the man you are with care for you sexually? Is he going to honour the marriage bed in physical and mental faithfulness to you or will he flirt, feed his porn addiction, or even leave you for another woman? You can’t always predict these issues, but if the seeds or practices are already there, watch out. I recently saw a newly married couple and the husband was flirting openly with another woman. Unless something drastic happens, that marriage is headed for disaster.
Is he going to be tender and gentle to you in bed? An unbelieving co-worker once told my sister that after her first sexual encounter, she had trouble walking for a few days because her boyfriend was so rough. In other words, he wasn’t selfless enough to care for the body of the woman he said he loved.
Watch out. Your body needs care and protection.

4. It will impact you mentally. Is the man that you’re thinking of going to be a source of worry or will he help you deal with your worries? Is he going to encourage your intellectual development, or will he neglect it? Is he going to value your opinions and listen to what you are thinking, or will he disregard your thoughts? Is he going to help you manage stress so that your mind is not burdened that way, or is he going to let you struggle through issues alone? Is he going to care for you and be thoughtful of you if you are experiencing mental strain, or will he ignore it? I know of a woman who could handle pregnancy and child birth very well physically but postpartum depression took a huge toll on her mind. The husband overlooked it, continuing to have more children, until his wife ended up in a mental institution.
You might think that the intellectual or mental side of a marriage is small. It’s bigger than you think. Consider it seriously.

5. It will impact you relationally. How’s your relationship with your mother? Your dad? Do you love them? Does your boyfriend? Fast forward ten years: you tell your husband that your mother is coming for the weekend. Is he excited? Disappointed? Angry? Making snide jokes with his friends? Of course, a husband should come first in your priority of relationships, as you both leave father and mother and cleave to one another. But parents are still a big part of the picture. Whatever negative feelings he has about your parents now will probably be amplified after marriage. Your marriage will either strengthen or damage – even destroy – your relationship with your parents. The people who know you best and love you most right now could be cut out of the picture by a husband who hates them.
It’s the same with sisters and friends. Will they be welcomed, at reasonable times, in your home? Will the guy who you’re with encourage healthy relationships with other women, or will he be jealous of normal, biblical friendships? Will he help you mentor younger women and be thankful when older women mentor you, or will he belittle that?
Don’t sacrifice many good relationships for the sake of one guy who can’t value the people who love you.
So how will your boyfriend do after the vows? Because this is just a sampling of the ways that a husband can bless or curse his wife. The effects are far reaching, long lasting, and either wonderful or difficult. True, there are no perfect men out there. But there are great ones. And it’s better to be single for life than to marry someone who will make your life a burden. Singleness can be great. Marriage to the wrong person is a nightmare. I’ve been in a church parking lot where the pastor had to call the police to protect a wife from a husband who was trying to stop her from worshiping and being with her family. It’s ugly. Don’t be so desperate to get married that your marriage is a grief. If you are in an unhappy marriage, there are ways to get help. But if you’re not married, don’t put yourself in that situation. Don’t marry someone whose leadership you can’t follow. Don’t marry someone who is not seeking to love you as Christ loved the church. Marry someone who knows and demonstrates the love of Christ.

Nor things to come....

I have never been a fan of the new year.  It is just a blah time of year with no holiday in sight.   I am a little more apprehensive this year - more so than normal.   I guess I can attribute it to the beginning of Obama's second term in office.    I don't know what changes he will force on us in 2013.   Don't even get me started on Obama Care.    But.....

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor heights, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8:38-39


I don't know what 2013 holds for me, my family, or my country.   I admit I am scared for the futures for all three of them.   But God was not taken by surprise by Obama's re-election and everything that even Obama does is allowed by God to further His plan.    Maybe the trials that Obama's second term will bring is really an opportunity to trust God more.     Maybe it will be a time to separate the wheat from the chaff.    

I don't know what is in store for 2013, but I can trust in the One who does.

Election 2012

Tomorrow, we will be voting on  (hopefully), a new president.  This election is probably the most important election of our lifetime.   Hopefully, it will be the day that America fires Obama and takes America back.  I am praying Mitt Romney wins by a large enough margin, so the Dems won't fight the results in court.  America just can't handle four more years of Obama.   Or his politics.  Or his spending.   I am hoping that most Americans feel the same way and will show up and make this election another  "Chik Fil A" moment that says "We want America back."

 

This election in more than who will be our President for the next four years.  It will be about where America is heading.   Right now, America in heading for a collapse.   You just can't keep going the way we are heading and be prosperous.   Economically and spiritually.  

 

I know people have died to give us each a right to vote.   That, is what makes America so great.   But, for the life of me, I don't understand how people make uninformed votes.    The right to vote is too important to do so in ignorance.    We have a crowd that keeps up with the Kardashians, but have no idea what each candidate stands for.   Sadly, their vote counts as much as someone who does.    I am no politic expert, but I do listen to both sides.  I listen to what they say and see if it aligns up with what they do.    Obama may call himself a Christian, but there is no evidence to back it up.   Romney isn't perfect either.    While I do not believe in the Mormon faith, I do believe his faith has shaped him into a man of  character and morals.   A lot of people feel like they have to "hold their nose" while voting for a Mormon, but we have to remember, we are not electing a pastor, but a president.   Someone who can be a leader and do what is in the best interest of our country.   I believe Mitt Romney is the best candidate for the job.  

 

People voted for Obama because they were looking for hope and voted emotionally.   It made them feel good to vote for a black man.   Maybe to prove to themselves and the world that they weren't prejudiced.   But,  that is actually in itself prejudice.   We can drop the race card, voting Obama in office proved that we as Americans don't have a problem with race when it comes to a President.  My problem with Obama is not his race, it's his politics. 

 

While, I am hoping that Obama loses his job come November 6th, I do know that the election results will not take God for surprise.  Nobody will take office without Him allowing it.  I would be lying if I said I wouldn't be frightened if Obama gets re-elected.   I think of the impact it would have on my children and their children.  But, God has commanded us not to put our confidence in man, so I am going with that. 

 

  I am praying that God will be merciful to America.

 

 

Appreciate them!

October has been declared Pastor Appreciation Month.   I hope you found some way to show your pastor and his family how much you appreciate them for all that they do.    Our church held a  soup dinner, complete with desserts and gifts.   Just a small token of all their hard work.

 

I want to brag a little on my pastor.   He is probably one of the most consistent Christians that I know.  He doesn't preach one thing, and live another.   He doesn't preach to please anybody but God.  He preaches what is in the Bible and not his opinion.    He preaches hard and tells you like it is.  No sugar coating at Calvary Baptist Church from my pastor. He loves his God, his church, and his family.  He is always, always, always happy.  He knows his Bible inside and out and if he doesn't know the answer, he will study and find the answer. I know firsthand that my pastor and his family have sacrificed A LOT for our church - without complaining.   There is no way I can fully explain how much I love my pastor and his dear family.

 

With that being said, everybody needs to realize that your pastor is just a man.   Sometimes, we put them up on pedestals.   I don't think any true man of God wants to be put there.   Don't make him the fourth person of the Trinity, because at some point, he will probably disappoint you.  That is not fair to him.   Now, don't get me wrong, I think their position is to be honored and respected.   Just don't expect them to be sinless.   They have the same sin nature as we all do.   In fact, I regularly drill it into my Sunday School students that we need to pray harder for our pastor and his family.   Being the leader of the church, I am sure he and his family are under attack more that any of the rest of us.   If Satan can destroy his testimony, or  that of his family, then it will affect the entire church.  So be sure to pray for your pastor and his family daily.

 

Also, don't forget about his wife.   While you voted on him as a pastor, she is there supporting him.   Remember that you didn't get a" two for one" with the pastor.   Let her find her own place within the church's ministries and don't expect her to fill every position that needs to be filled.    My preacher would be the first to tell you that he couldn't do what he does without the support and love of his wife.  

 

While October is set aside specifically for all their hard work, take time all year to show them how much you appreciate them.  

 

Give them a kind word

Give them a "thank you"

Give them a "I appreciate you"

Give them an invite to lunch (your treat)

Give them a card for no reason

Give them the gift of being faithful

Give them the gift of volunteering when needed

 

 We will never know this side of heaven all that our pastor and his family have endured or sacrificed for the calling. 

 

 How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things.

Romans 10:15b

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Listening to the dings in life

I love my new car with the exception of one little feature.   If you don't buckle up, it has a very annoying beep that is quite loud and takes forever to go off.   While I always buckle up, I have to lock / unlock the gate, so I tend to not buckle up until that is done.   I also have a bad habit of undoing it as I pull into the parking lot at work  before I come to a complete stop.  Bad idea.   It doesn't let up and can be in fact, quite obnoxious about it.  It will nag you until you do something about it.    I can just imagine that the sound of my car is about what teenagers hear when their parents try to advise them.   Just loud noise.

While the dinging is annoying, it has it's purpose.   It is their for my protection.  I can tune it out, or I can heed it's advice.   It is always in my best interest to heed it's warning and buckle up.  It is there not to bug me, but to keep me safe.  Ultimately,  I have the choice to buckle up,  or just keep listening to the dinging.

The same thing applies to our lives.  We are always faced with decisions that should not be rushed into.    How do you know if your decisions are sound?     The human heart can't be trusted with some decisions.   We can distort the facts to back up our decisions and make them a reality in our minds.       My husband is currently looking into a career change.  Everything in him wants to say yes to the idea.   But that would be foolish on our part.   He is talking to different people and getting their advice.    Some of that advice isn't what we want to hear.   But as much as we don't like some of what we are hearing, it is good sound advice from people with some  experience in that field.  We have the choice to ignore it,  or listen to it.  Ignoring it and going with what we want  to do instead, could have detrimental effects on our household budget and our lives.   We would ultimately regret it.  Real quick.   The impulse to act on what we want instead of listening to sound advice usually comes back to haunt us. 

 

Nobody likes to listen to the advice of others.  It is just not in our nature to do so.  We all feel competent in our decision making skills, especially the ones that  are ultimately ours to make.  But there is some valuable lessons to be learned through the mistakes and life experiences of others.   Ultimately, not listening to good dings in life  will almost always hurt in the long run.  Long after it is too late.

 

The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.

Proverbs 12:15

 

 

 

 

Just do it!

About two weeks ago,  God nudged my heart  to send a card of encouragement to someone that I knew was having a tough time.   I didn't fool with it, but He did the very same thing the next week.   This time,  I found a note card and scribbled a couple of lines on it.  Didn't think too much about it.  This past Friday, I received a phone call from that person, who was crying.  No, more like sobbing.   She told me she was having one of her worst days ever, and then she got my card.   She went on about how much she appreciated it.   How it helped her when she needed it the most.   Now, the purpose of this post is not to praise myself, but more of condemning myself.   What if I hadn't have listened and acted on what I felt like God was leading me to do?   I do it all the time.   I can't count the times I just tune it out and simply just not take the time.  I always have good intentions, but intentions are nothing if you don't act on them.   We let the busyness of life keep us from doing what He wants us to do.  As Christians, we NEED to take the time to be a blessing to others.

What did I have invested in this random act?   A .50 cent note card, a .45 cent postage stamp, and two minutes of my life.  The funny thing is, that while I was talking to this lady on the phone, she was a blessing to me as well.   I am thankful that He saw fit to use me in just a small way to be a blessing to someone in need.  

When you feel God nuding you to do something,  just do it!  

Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.
Proverbs 27:17

Sugar Rush Happiness

I read this somewhere and I couldn't have said it better:

Everybody has their native sin – something that seems to be part of who they are. Add to that a culture of self-worship, sliding standards, and personal happiness as the ultimate pursuit and we have a perfect recipe for cultural deception. God gets made out to be the bad guy when he forbids things we are so sure will make us happy. They feel so natural. We are so easily deceived. Like my three-year old daughter that throws a temper tantrum when she cannot have cookies for dinner, we object to God’s righteous, eternal standards.

But everybody disagrees with God somewhere. Every person. Every family. Every culture. Every epoch.

The question is one of wisdom. Will we be wise enough to humble ourselves and agree with God? Will we be smart enough to recognize that he sees something around the eternal corner that we do not see ourselves? Will we not realize that God wants us happy even more than we do? But his long-range mind sees things we do not.

We want quick-fix, sugar-rush happiness. He sees eternal weight of glory.

The message of Scripture is this: play it out. Live to please yourself, live for your personal happiness – it’s an experiment in futility. Destined for disappointment.

Be smarter than that. Be wiser. Be more forward-thinking.

Sin is not just evil; it’s stupid.

Our idols are like middle school boyfriends: they lie to us. Sin lies. It over-promises and under-delivers. It is an expert marketer, but completely untrustworthy.

Yet I’m a sucker. I believe the hype. Everybody believes the hype – it just has to be the right hype. Wise is the man who learns what hype he falls for. We are so prone to judge people for being gullible in areas we don’t fall for. But we all fall. Moral stupidity is part of our fallen condition.

Good thing we have a wise savior.

Solomon nailed it: ”The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” (Proverbs 9:10)

Dear Mama

Today is your birthday and I want you to know how much I miss you!   What I wouldn't do to be able to pick up the phone and tell you that.  Just one last chance to hug you and let you know how much I love and appreciate you for all you did for me.   I want to thank you for your selfless ways - you were always thinking of others and rarely of yourself.   You did without so us four kids didn't have to.  I don't think you ever got anything new to wear except hand me downs.   And you did so without complaining.   In fact, you rarely complained about anything.     Thank you for always setting that faithful example - it is because of you that I am in church today.   Any ounce of compassion or thoughtfulness that I may have comes from you and by the example you set.   You mothered us without hollering and fussing - I wish I knew your secret on that one.   You loved us unconditionally whether we deserved it or not.   You lived your life more by example and what an example it was.   You set the bar high in the mothering department and I hate to admit it, I didn't even come close to you.   I wish you could see my two girls!  You loved them and I just know you would have enjoyed taking them shopping for just the right earrings or shoes for those special occasions in their lives.  You would be proud of them - for anything that I did right with them, I owe it ALL to you.

I love you Mama with everything in my being!  Happy birthday to the bestest Mama ever!  I am thankful that I have the reassurance of seeing you again!

With love,

Your favorite daughter

Her children arise up, and call her blessed.
Proverbs 31:28a

It's all in the attitude

 

Rex and I were blessed with the chance to take a trip out west last week.   Even though I had planned and booked the trip months ago, it sorta just snuck up on me.   I am ( or used to be ), Queen of Organization.  Emphasis on used to be.    I couldn't knock the feeling that I was forgetting something.   I made a list and checked it twice.  All packed and ready to go, we headed out.   Stopped for a nice dinner and checked into our hotel in Atlanta around 8:30 p.m.   Ready to bathe and take off my makeup, I looked for my bag.   It was nowhere to be seen.  I knew we had it, because I remember asking Rex to grab it on our way out the door.  When I asked Rex about it, he looked like he had seen a ghost and said he knew exactly where it was.   On our couch.  Two hours away.   He was so apologetic and willing to make the trip back to get it, that I couldn't be upset.   I racked my brain to determine what all was in the bag.  First and probably most important was MY toolbox.   My makeup, my blow dryer, my flat iron, my hair products.....all those tools I needed just to look presentable.  My BRAND NEW CAMERA!  It was starting to get worse.   Kelly's wedding reception and our trip was my justification in getting myself a new camera.   How could I be going to the Grand Canyon without a camera?    I remembered Rex's medicines were in there.   They would be missed, but thankfully, they are not a matter of life of death.   Phone chargers.  No biggy.   I finally persuaded him that we would make do - and believe me, that wasn't an easy task.    We would replace what we had to and deal with what we had to do without.   It's was all in our attitude.   We could have let that one  bag left at home ruin our attitudes and ruin our trip.   Thankfully, we chose to just deal with it and had a wonderful time.  I have 897 pictures to prove it.

Life is sorta like that.   Sometimes we focus so much on what we don't have rather than appreciate what we do have.  

 

Do all things without murmuring and disputings.
Phillipians 2:14

Some things I forgot....

I had the privilege of being able to keep my great nephew this week, a three year old named Jude.  I don't know who was more excited - me or him.  I picked him up around noon and off to Montgomery we went.   I don't think I have laughed or had so much fun in such a long time.    But, as much fun as I had, there are a few things I forgot about dealing with a three year old.

I forgot just how much stuff you need to take a small one for just a small period of time.   I forgot just how much they can talk.  I forgot how many times they can ask "why" or what's that" or the word "no".   I forgot how they repeat just about everything you say or shouldn't say.   I forgot just how smart they can be.  I forgot just how observant they can be.  I forgot how much joy you can feel watching them enjoying a  merry go round.   I forgot just how much energy they have ( long after yours is gone).   I forgot that sometimes, your plans are put on hold because a nap is needed.     I forgot just how tight they can hug you.   I forgot how much they effort they putting into telling you how much they love you.   I forgot how much fun and how many laughs you can get out of just a 30 minute car ride.

One thing I didn't forget is that the adults in their lives have a huge impact in their lives.  While you are always influencing them through out their lives, the early years are the most important in forming them.  I took the time to talk to him about Jesus and how when he minded his parents or grandparents, he was pleasing God.    We have the responsibility to teach out young ones, so when they get older, they won't forget.

Train up a child in he way he is should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6

Remembering the fallen

Memorial Day is a big day in our lives.  For some, it marks school being out and the start of their summer.  To some, it may mean cookouts and time to hit the water.    So much so, that Memorial Day marks the day that hotel rates go up, especially those on the coast.

The last Monday of each May, our nation observes a holiday  now called Memorial Day.   It was originally called Decoration Day for the tradition of beautifying the graves of fallen soldiers.   The day that we honor those who fought and gave the greatest sacrifice they could so that we could live today in freedom.  This love of country, this sense of honor and duty should be reverenced and admired for the calling that these soldiers have so given of themselves to fulfill.   Our military are daily placed in harm's way both at home and abroad, carrying the torch for MY freedom.   May we never take for granted the privileges afforded to us by the soldiers who have given their all to preserve it for us.   Not only do they sacrifice, but their family also sacrifice a lot for our freedom.

Rex and I had the opportunity last year to go to Arlington National Cemetery in Washington DC.   Just looking at the rows and rows of markers for the fallen soldiers was one of my most humbling experiences I have ever had.   We spent a lot of time looking at names because each tombstone represented a soldier.   Each soldier represented someones husband, son, father, and friend.  Someone who gave all their tomorrows for our todays.

So the next time you see a soldier in uniform, tell them thank you for their service to our country and how much you appreciate their sacrifices for YOUR freedom.   It is because of them that we can lay down each night knowing that they are protecting us.

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
John 15:13

Just One

I have a way of deceiving my own self at times.      When I am dieting, I ask myself what is the problem with taking just one little bite??  I rationalize it and I justify it.    The problem with that one little bite is that it usually leads to another and then another, until next thing I know, I have blown my entire diet.   And it all started with one little bite.   Before long,  I am regretting that one little bite.

We all tend to rationalize those little things in our lives.  Just one little white lie.  Just one little peek.  Just one little drink.   Just one little  ____________________.   Just fill in the blank with whatever because we all have our different temptations.  Our nature is to justify  and rationalize away  the seriousness of that one little sin.   One sin is a big deal to God.   Romans 6:23 clearly says the the wages of sin is death.   Sin as in singular.  One sin is enough to make you a sinner and bound for hell.    One sin is also enough to keep your prayers hindered.    Psalms 66:18 says if I hide iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me.   This  is something that has  has really hit me right between the eyes here lately.   How often do we tell people we are going to pray for them or actually spend time in prayer and have iniquity hidden in our heart?   Oh sure, we confess (or should) confess those things that are obvious.   The things we say that we shouldn't, the bad thoughts we have, not reading our Bible like we should. Basically those  visible sins we know are wrong.  We know to confess them.   But what about that sin that we have hidden deep within our hearts that isn't so visible?   That bitterness that we harbor or the unforgiveness of a person for a wrong doing?   We tell our selves that we have forgiven them, but deep within our hearts we haven't.  It may be buried so deep that we are not even aware of it and so it doesn't propose a threat to our prayer life.  Unconfessed sins hidden deep in our heart is like a cancer.  It may start out so small that we are not even aware of it's presence.   But before long, it will rear it's ugly head and start destroying everything it comes in contact with.  One little sin can cause God not to hear your prayers.    Most of the time, the sins that keep our prayers hindered are not the public sins we commit, but more of those secret ones. 

  In the matter of sin, there is no "one little sin."

If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me.
Psalms 66:18

Happy Anniversary to us!

Rex and I recently celebrated our 30th anniversary.  We didn't do anything big or spectacular to celebrate - just going out to dinner.   If I don't have to cook or clean the kitchen, I am happy.   A lady in my church asked me what our secret was in making it to 30 years.   Secret?   I laughed inside.   I don't have a "secret" nor do I  have a perfect marriage.  Just ask Rex or the girls.  They know we are anything but perfect.  The truth is, marriage is what you make of it.   I learned a lot about marriage over the course of 30 years and I wish I knew a lot of this as a young bride.  So here are a few things I would tell that young bride of 20.

Respect the intuition of marriage. 
Remember love has the power to heal just about anything you deal with in your marriage.
Marriage doesn't just take care of itself.   You have to invest time into it.
Don't assume the "I love you's."   Tell them everyday.  (Even if you are not feeling it.)
Be the first to say "I am sorry."  No matter who got it started, by the end of the quarrel, you both added to it.
Listen to what is not being said.
Always remember, you only get to a golden anniversary one day at a time.
Forgive.
Pick your battles.
Keep your promises.
Fight fair. 
Be kind to each other.
Remember you are on the same team.
Give each other space.  Nothing grows in the shade.
Go the extra mile for the sake of peace. 
Shut your mouth for the sake of peace.
Encourage each other instead of nagging.
Forget about 50/50. 
Handle conflict - don't let it handle you.
Pray for your mate.

Let the husband render unto his wife due benevolence:and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
I Corinthians 7:3

Seasons

Today is going to be a day of crying.   I will be crying for two different reasons though.   I have a funeral to attend, as well as a wedding.  Today, my dearest and best friend of almost 28 years will be burying her sweet daddy.   It hurts my heart to watch because of the bond these two shared.   We have prayed for him to be healed for a long time and those prayers were answered.  He was healed, just not here on earth.  

One of my Jamie's friends from high school is getting married today.   I KNOW Morgan is going to be a beautiful bride today.   I know this wedding will involve pink and Hello Kitty.    Watching two people get married always get my crying glands in full production.  

So today, I will be celebrating the end of a life and the beginning of a new life.   I will be crying tears of sadness and tears of joy.  Just two hour apart at that.


It is also a reminder to us all that while we are on the top of the mountain as I am sure Morgan will be today, that somewhere close by is someone who is in the deepest valley who just may need a hug or a smile.

 Oh, and if you happen to see me around 6:00 p.m. tonight, please just look the other way.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.
Ecclesiates 3:8

All eyes on me...and you.

I stopped and visited my brother this past Sunday afternoon. Okay, truth be told, I was really visiting his grandson, Jude. I love this little boy, and evidently, he loves me too. It is almost impossible to leave without him wanting to come with me. He told me he wanted to go to church with me and said he would behave. Look at the picture above - how could you tell that little face no? I took him and off we went. He was a perfect little angel. What I noticed though, is he often mimicked my actions. If I sneezed, he had to sneeze. When I did something with my hands, he did the same thing. If I coughed, he coughed. While I thought it was cute, it is a scary reminder just how much they watch us. No parent sets out to be a bad example to their kids. But, we are only human and we fail. A lot. We get caught up in the moment or get emotional and forget they are watching us. As much as you hate to admit it, you are teaching them a lesson. The fact is, you are ALWAYS a role model. Sometimes, it is a good role model, but often time, it's a bad one. Parents who wouldn't dream of calling another person a name to their face, will readily do so in front of their kids. Or those little white lies we have told when we know they know different. Their minds are like little sponges and they absorb everything you say, and more more importantly, everything you do. The old cliche "like father, like son" will hit home. The choice is yours, not theirs. Don't worry that your children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.

Never say never

I am almost embarrassed to write this post. I did something so out of character for me. I took the day off on Friday to get my car's 15k mile checkup in Clanton. Since I am so close to Birmingham, off I go to the Galleria to do some shopping. I don't know why I go because I almost never buy anything there. Well, this time I did. First, let me give you a little background of dealing with the kiosk's you see in the mall. I almost never make eye contact with the salesman at them. When they step out to grab hold of my attention, I politely stick out my hand and say "no thanks" and move on. Some of them can be a little pushy and ask again or even why I don't want to try their product. I never, ever give them a chance. Did I say never? Well, never say never because for some reason unbeknownst to me, I gave one a chance. I told him no, but he said something ( I don't' even remember what it was) that made me stop and listen to him. All he asked was for one minute of my time. I gave him a minute. And then another. That turned into about 30 minutes with him demonstrating his products to me. I have to admit, they were really good products. A little pricey, but great products. The salesman was the perfect person to be in sales. He was GOOD. Of course, after I told him they were all too pricey for my budget, he cuts me a deal too good to pass up. He sells me one product that the box was damaged, but never used. Looking back, they probably do that on a few boxes for those really hard to sell customers. BUT, never say never because I bought two of his products. Of course, I had buyers remorse when I got home that night over spending more than I should have. I have used them both several times since yesterday, and I still love them. There was one more product I wanted, but did not buy, so I did me a little research on the internet. There was good news and bad news. The good news was that most everybody that used their products raved over them. They were repeat customers. The bad news is I can buy most of it SO much cheaper on Amazon. I should have known that. The name of the company is Deep Sea Cosmetics. They are made in Israel and they are great! I would recommend anybody to give their products a try, but do not under any circumstances make eye contact with any rep selling them. It could be hazardous to your budget.

My mom, my hero

I wrote a post not too long ago on how things couldn't have been easy for my mom. She was raised in an orphanage until old enough to make it on her own. I can count on one hand the things I knew about her childhood. She just didn't talk about it. Through Facebook, we have reconnected with some of her family. My sister started asking questions, and the answers were not easy to hear. I always knew my mom didn't have the best of childhoods. I mean, she lost her dad before the age of five and orphanage life was all she knew. She didn't just have a tough childhood, she had a terrible childhood. But for all of this, my mother didn't complain. She never used it as an excuse for anything. She never used it against her kids when we had a moment of brattiness or acting unappreciative. Simply put, my mom did not let her past affect her future. She was dealt a bad hand in life, but she didn't use it as a crutch. My mom was a woman of faith and a woman of great strength. For all this, my mom is my hero.

The Vow

Thirty years ago, Rex and I stood before a preacher, our families, and a few friends and recited some vows. I must admit that back then, I did not even begin to understand the magnitude of the vows we recited - all I knew was that I was getting married!

To have and to hold - well, this parts sounds easy. As a newlywed, I couldn't wait to live in the same house as a couple and just sit and hold on to each other. Then the mortgage, the kids, and the frantic schedules come - and "to hold" takes on a whole new meaning. Glad that 30 years later, I am still holding.

From this day forward - And they lived happily ever after. Yeah, makes for a good fairytale. But marriage is anything but a fairytale. There are some tough days that makes you wonder "what was I thinking?" No, marriage is not always easy, but I thank God that we have both been committed to sticking it out from that day forward....

For better or for worse - Okay, I was one of those brides that thought Rex was perfect, so I was totally unprepared for the "worse." It reared it's ugly head sooner that I expected to see it. Rex has definitely seen my worse and he's still sticks around. I am grateful for that.

For richer or for poorer - We have definitely seen both of these....and looking back, the poorer times were some of the best.

In sickness or in health - Well, we have been blessed in this area. Only a few getting older issues here.

To love and to cherish 'til death do us part - by the grace of God, I hope we can continue to fulfill this part of the vow until death do us part.

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Mark 10:9

Love for reals....

I remember almost a year ago texting my oldest daughter about the previews I had seen about the upcoming movie The Vow. I had read the article on the real life couple that inspired the book, so I was excited about the movie. Of course, anything with Channing Tatum in it is an added bonus. With all the publicity over the movie, they have been on several talk shows circuits talking about their story. While it is a great love story, most people are shocked by it. How this man chose to honor his vow rather than walk away when that would have been the easiest thing for him to do. He was faced with a wife who had no memory of him. None. She had not one single memory of them as a couple , but had intact memories of her ex boyfriend. That had to be tough. He was advised to divorce her due to her rising medical bills, because he had no assurance that she would stay with him. He was determined that he would start all over and woo her again. He CHOSE to stand by his vow for better or for worse. They had only been married for 10 weeks before the crash that brought on the worst. That is not the only amazing thing though. Here was his wife, who had not one shred of feeling for this man. Not one recollection of any memory of them that caused her to fall in love. She said she had to make the decision to love him.

In the Greek language, there are four words to express love, whereas we only have one English word. We use this one small word to express how we feel from pizza to our spouse.

Agape - this is the love that has no boundaries. No conditions. This kind of love gives sacrificially to the object of their love. It doesn't keep a record of wrongdoings. It doesn't keep score. It doesn't harbor bitterness or resentment. It doesn't react. It doesn't seek revenge or wrongdoing. This kind of love just keeps loving even if circumstances change within the marriage.

Eros- this is a passionate love. Love with desire and longing for the object of that love. This is what we would consider a romantic love. While there is nothing wrong with this kind of love, it is wrong if that is the basis of your love. This kind of love should always be a by-product of agape love. Unfortunately, this is probably the foundation of what most couples base their love on. Boy see girl and thinks she is hot. Girl sees boy and thinks he is cute. While, I understand there has to be a natural attraction, it is not wise to build your relationship on that. This kind of love will crumble under circumstances of the couple portrayed in The Vow.

Philia - this is a brotherly love. The love that we feel for our friends.

Storge - this a natural affection. It is the love that we have for our children and family members. We love them, because it is a love that comes naturally.

Like all movies, The Vow had a happily ever after ending. But listening to the interviews, it wasn't always easy. It is hard for me to determine who had it harder - the husband or the wife. I have decided it was the wife. She had to CHOOSE to love her husband in the agape form of love when there were no feelings. Once she she made the choice to love him, the feelings of love followed. While this story is an extreme, love is always a choice. That choice is what keeps you loving even on those days that the feelings just aren't there.

Seriously though, if I had awoke from a coma with Channing Tatum claiming to be my husband, I don't think I would question it.

And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

I Corinthians 13:13

Love it or hate it?

I don't know of any other holiday that brings on so many different opinions than Valentine's Day. You either hate it or love it. A lot of people claim that they don't like the "one" day of the year to show someone you love them. I get that. You should let your loved ones know every single day that you love them. Or they don't like getting a gift just because it is V day. They would rather get something on a random day. I get that too. But nobody has a problem celebrating mother's day. Valentines is no different than mother's day or father's day. It is nothing more than setting aside a day to remind your loved one just how much you love them. It doesn't have to be some grand gesture. I seriously am okay in getting just card, which by the way, I did not get this year. V Day completely slipped my husband's mind this year. I personally love Valentines Day. I agree that we shouldn't limit it to 1 day out of 365. We need to let our loved ones know as much as we can just what they mean to us. But I love that one day that we pump it up just a bit. That and any day that might result in me getting chocolate is a day worth celebrating!