Growing old gracefully

When me and some of my friends get to talking about getting older, it always comes with a lot of sighs and list of procedures we want to have done. Society has done this to us, especially women. Somehow we are supposed to get older with out actually looking any older. Now, I am not taking about that 1% that have been genetically blessed and somehow can pull that off. I am talking about the other 99% that don't. Growing old is inevitable. I mean, it sure beats the alternative. Other than my 30th birthday, birthdays don't bother me. I am just proud to be on this side of the dirt. I have my 50th coming up in about 18 months, and I am not sure if it is going to bother me or not. I would like to say no, but the truth is, I don't look forward to it. I mean who in their right mind would look forward to turning half a century??!! I know age is just a number and you are as young as you feel, and blah, blah, blah. The truth is - getting olders sucks. It's not the part of getting older that I have a problem with - I just don't like the side effects. The weight gain! When I was younger, I could cut back and lose 5 lbs in a matter of days. I had the metabolism of a energizer bunny. Now, I could consist of lettuce and water and still the scale doesn't move. The loss of muscle tone is terrible. My legs used to be my best assest, but time stole that as well. My kids tell me that I still have good legs...."from the knees down". I will take it as a compliment. Wrinkles. All those years of baking in the sun in my teenager years. We didn't have tanning beds back then and no computer to fill our long summer days, so we spent it working on our tans. The truth is gravity is a harsh fact of life.

The list could go on and on, but honestly, don't you think that is the way God designed it? I think we should definitely do the very best to take care of ourselves, but we do have to accept that these bodies age and just like anything else, they wear down. They get wrinkles and a few extra ( okay, alot ) of pounds.

It saddens to see to all this plastic surgery going on. I ain't talking about the older generation - I talking the 20 somethings. Just look at Heidi Montag. Ten procedures in one day? I honestly did not see anything (on the outside) that needed fixing. In fact, in my opinion, she was alot prettier before the work was done. The society and Hollywood message though is completely different. If she thinks she needs fixing now, what is the world is she going to do when she is staring at 50?? Maybe what needs fixing is what's on the inside.

Back to my friends. We were talking about wrinkles and getting botox and fillers. I had never heard of fillers but was informed that it is something they inject in your face to smooth out wrinkles and it last about a year. It comes at a price tag of around $1,000.00. First of all, I am cheap. I could never blow that kind of money on wrinkles. Do you know how many pairs of shoes I could buy with a $1,000.00?? Second, I am scared of anything being pumped into my face. People say oh, it's all natural. Remember this: snake venom is all natural too, but you won't see me pumping that into my body either. Who knows what problems you could face down the road. I would like to say that is why I would never get work done, but the truth is , I just want to grow old gracefully. I want to (try) to accept my aging body as it is. I know I won't always like what I see in the mirror, but I hope I can always like the person I see in the mirror. If we worried about what God sees on the inside rather than what people see on the outside, we would truly be more beautiful in everybodys sight.

Now, I know I hold a very different opinion than most people. I don't judge others for what they do. This post is not meant to offend anyone. If you need or want work done, then go for it. I would be the first one to say I wish I could have a "mommy makeover". I am talking about accepting aging. Accepting that certain parts of your life are gone, never to be seen again.

Instead of dreading 50, maybe I should hope to turn 50. Alot of people don't make it to their 50th. Having a 50th birthday should be reason to celebrate! That means 50 years of love, life, family, and God's blessings! That is what we call living life! I think I am just gonna forget the age and just enjoy every day of life!

The aged women likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness.

Titus 2:3a

October

October is finally here. It is by far my favorite month of the year. Maybe its because of the break from the heat that causes you to break out into a sweat just going from your house to your car...or maybe because it is what I call "free weather" - where you don't have to run your A/C or your heater. It could be the beautiful colors in the changing of the leaves. I know the spring is beautiful too with all the blooming flowers, but it still can't hold a candle to October. It is just something about this month that makes me want to get out and do all those things that I have put off all summer. I jokingly tell people that October makes me want to mop floors. That is the best way I can describe how October makes me feel. This may be a weird analogy to you, but if you know me, you know I have a thing for clean floors. I love that feeling of walking on floors and not feeling any grit on them. My husband used to tell me that I was going to sweep the grooves off the floor with all my sweeping. He gave me some pretty good advice - wear socks. So, I took his advice and to this day, I hardly ever walk around bare footed in my house. October is to me what January is to others. No spring cleaning for me - October makes me want to clean out clutter and get organized. Start my diet ( I know ), start exercising more...and the list goes on.
It starts the beginning of decorating your home - first for the fall, then Thanksgiving, and topping it off with Christmas. It's when you can cook a big pot of chili and enjoy watching your favorite (Crimson Tide) or not so favorite ( Auburn Tigers) play ball. In fact, I can't think of one single down side to October. I just hate that we only have 31 days to get to enjoy it.

So, if you'll excuse me, I am about to take off my socks and start mopping

This is the day that which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.

Psalms 118:24

Love Lost

My parents on their wedding day!

While looking for the poem I just posted about my mom, I came across two writings my daddy wrote about my mom shortly after her death. I knew my dad loved and missed my mom, but I never knew the depth of his lonliness until after he died. He kept a journal after she died, and to be honest, some of it is hard to read. He basically just detailed what he did each day...not much that would interest anybody else, but he always ended each day with talking about loving and missing his wife. I always invited him to dinner and places we went so he wouldn't be alone, but even with all that he still felt lonely without his wife. I am thankful to say, once he met Nadine, he quit journaling. Nadine is an incredible woman that reminds me of my mom. She never felt threatened by my mom and we always felt comfortable in talking openly about her. She said she got to benefit from my daddy loving my mama so much. She understood that my daddy loving my mama did not diminish the love he felt for her. I used to tell daddy how blessed he was to have the love of two great women.

The two pieces below is not from his journal, but just random writings he wrote soon after my mom died. I agonized over whether I should post something he wrote that was so personal, but I hope it encourages anybody that reads it and shows the love relationship that God intended between man and wife.

The time for weeping is drawing nigh, but a deep hurt has set in, a deep longing and a feeling of lonliness with no one who really cares for you any more. O' the day runs together, one just like the other with a boredom and lonliness undescribable. You "play the clown" with "I'm getting along fine", but the truth is you feel like you are made of stone. You long for companionship, but who would you find that would be compatible with you and you with them? You are looking for someone who is like the one you grieve for, but in your heart you know it won't happen. I dread the times when I am really getting old and the idea that I will be alone. Alone in sickness, alone in heart, yes, alone in death. The children have their own lives and family to think and care about. I had my Nan, but no more, no more. Yes, I have my memories - I will always have them, but they fade into the recesses on my mind to be called up another day. I always think that my Nan is always with me, she is in the rain that falls, in the soft breeze that brushes my cheeks, or blows my hair. She speaks to me through the soft murmer of the wind as it slips through the leaves in the trees. My life is in the sun down, soon to be the twilight. I'll not regret it or dwell on it. I love life, but won't be sorry to join the one I love in eternal rest.


Here is his second writing -

My love, you have been with the Lord now just over ten months now, and the pain is just as great. We celebrated your birthday again this year. O love, how I miss you my heart. I grieve for you and my heart is so pained, but I'll not wish you back, for it would be selfish of me to do so. You greet me with the soft breeze on my face, you speak to me when the wind is in the trees, you walk with me each day. I can feel you there. Oh how lucky I was that you came into my life 38 years ago. We were so lucky - we had four wonderful children and as of now, seven grandchildren. Our blood will live on for generations to come. If ever anyone should read this note, don't cry for me. For we are together again...me and Nan.



Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Genesis 2:24

Mama

I used to write some poems back in the day....I am not good at it, but there were some days all these thoughts were in my head and for some reason, I just had to put it on paper. This is a poem I wrote almost 4 months after my mom died of cancer.



Mama
1936-1994

There are still days that I can't believe you are gone,
And with my life, I have tried to move on.
There are times I feel sorry for myself and ask why?
And there are some days when all I want to do is cry.
I sometimes try to act as if nothing is wrong,
But the hurt I sometimes feel is so very strong.
I never told you enough of how I loved you,
And how sorry I was for any pain I put you through.
I never told you enough how much I really cared,
For all your love and talks that we shared.
You always sacrificed for the love of others,
I guess you felt that was the job of mothers.
Always willing to help, whatever the need,
Always willing to help with some small deed.
I called you Mama, but I also called you friend,
And I wasn't quite ready for that to end.
I miss you dearly and the girls do too,
But this was God's will, so we have to make do.
Life is hard, sometimes it's not fair,
For God's reasons are not always very clear.
Why did he take someone that I needed so much?
One that held me with her motherly touch?
Proms, graduations, and wedding days too,
Just won't be same without you.
God gave you new legs to walk on those streets of gold,
New legs that will never tire or grow old.
The cancer is gone, you are no longer in pain,
What was our loss, to heaven was gain.
So for now, I'll cling to the memories I hold so dear,
Until we meet each other again in the air.


My mom was such a blessing. I always thought my mom was perfect, even when she was alive. She had so much patience and hardly raised her voice. Let's not forget she had four teenagers at one time! My mom is who I credit my faith to. She ALWAYS took us kids to church. She was diagnosed with cancer on July 18, 1994 and died December 19, 1994. Four months from diagnosis to death. I can honestly say looking back, how good God was. While it was difficult not have much time, what a blessing that we did not have to watch my sweet mama deteriorate like some cancer patients do. One Saturday in October, we got a phone call that my mom went paralyzed from the waist down and from then on, she was either in the hospital or rehab. She never came home again. I kept expecting my mom to go "down-hill" - then I would "know" her time was coming....but that time never came, so it was still a shock when she died. I rotated every other day with my sister to visit and my sweet daddy never missed a day. My mom never complain about her situation or any of her pain. People went to encourage her, but walked away encouraged by her. I hope if I am ever in that kind of shape, that I will have the same testimony. I am sooooooo thankful that I have the reassurance of seeing my sweet mama again!





Her children arise up, and call her blessed.

Proverbs 31:28

Joys of Motherhood

My mother has been on my mind a lot here lately....maybe it was her birthday this past weekend. To be honest, there are not a lot of days where I don't think of her in some way. I lost her almost 16 years ago and still miss her very much. There are some days I would give everything I own just to talk to her or ask her something. Thankfully, I KNOW I will see her again. There is so much insight you get when you become a mother yourself and especially when you get older. I was not a perfect child by no means, but I was a "pleaser" and really didn't get into a lot of trouble. In our house growing up, "sassy mouths" were not tolerated and believe you me, as a third child, I learned by watching the older siblings and learned from their mistakes. I can honestly say that I don't ever remember fighting with my mom. I am not saying it never happened, but if it did, it didn't happen enough to make a memory in my head. ( Does that make sense??) Like I said, I was not perfect, but I say all that to say this.....I know I probably grieved my mom's heart at times. I know I probably hurt her a lot more than I ever gave thought to. I probably made her cry at times. I probably worried her at times. I wish I could tell her just one more time how much I loved her and to tell her that I am sorry if I every did any of the above mentioned things.

Motherhood is the best and the worst of jobs. You take on this child for LIFE...which does not come with a owners manual. Until you become a mother, you just can't understand how you can love something so much. You know you would protect and cherish this child with everything that is in you. Normally, we love people as we get to know them, but not so with our children. It is love at first sight and it really does change everything about you. All mama's have this "mama bear" sydrome when it comes to our babies.

I remember when I had my first child...boy, was I shocked. This precious baby girl was planned, loved, and wanted....but I had NO idea what all went into caring for a baby. I was only 21. You go from being scared that you are going to kill your newborn ( or at least I did ) , to sleepless nights and functioning as a zombie. Somewhere along the way, you find out that they are not as fragile as they look and you learn along the way. I remember one night Kelly was awake for over 24 hours straight. Kelly and I both cried and rocked all night long.....and what a long night it was. I can also remember some nights loading her in the car at midnight to ride her around to get her to fall asleep. Funny thing is, I now hold these memories dear to my heart. I would have never dreamed all those years ago that I would look back with fondness, but I do. Two years later, when I had Jamie, I honestly did not think I would ever sleep a decent night again. Thankfully, Jamie slept a lot better than Kelly ever did.

Motherhood is not for sissys. You have to function in a alot of different roles. In any given day, you are a chauffeur, nurse, cook, maid, cheerleader, personal shopper, counselor, vet, social event planner...and the list could go on and on. Yet, in spite of all the rushing around and putting yourself last, this is what motherhood is all about and you know in your heart that you wouldn't have it any other way.

As mothers, we get to watch our babies grow from sweet toddlers to the moody years of adolescence. We have to suffer their growing pains right along with them. Motherhood can at times be exhausting work. We give and give and give, sometimes with little thanks or recognition. Motherhood is a 24/7 job that starts at birth and never stops. We endure all this with the hopes of one day we will be rewarded with an adult friendship with our children. I tell any young parents with small chilren - just hang in there, because an adult relationship is the bestest thing! You just have to get there first - but let me add, that I never wanted to rush through any stage....well, maybe a little during the teenager years.

Letting go has probably been my hardest part. It was hard to let go for me ( and I still struggle )- I guess it is because I have enjoyed EVERY stage of my girls lives. We experience several letting go's that pull at our heart - when they start school , when they would rather hang with friends, when they search of independence as a teenager, and move out for college. It is a continual process that we mothers have to work on. Your kids see it as "no big deal", but to us moms, it is a HUGE deal. We have spent all our lives doing for them and it is hard to stop. The fear of the unknown is always lurking in the back of our minds. I have always heard that is just as bad for a mother to "not let go" as it is to "let go too soon". That is where our faith has to come in. God loves my girls move than I do, so I have to let go and let God. Commit their lives and well being to him each and every day. They will make mistakes and hopefully they will learn from them. I raised my girls to be independent and maybe I did too good of a job of that. I don't want to be guilty of holding them so tight that God can't move them in the way they should go. It is something I pray about everyday - to entrust my children to God. I can't be with them every single day, but He can.

I once heard a preacher compare a mother's love for a child as the closest we can come to understanding God's love for us. There is nothing our child can do to make us stop loving and caring for them. Do we always agree with their choices or decisions? No, but that does not mean we don't love them and support them. There is nothing that can makes us turn our backs on them.

There are so many things I would do different if given another chance. I made plenty of mistakes along the way - but in spite of me, my girls have turned out to be beautiful, sweet, and hardworking young ladies. I am so proud of them. No, motherhood is not for sissys. It is a hard, never ending job....but the pay and benefits are out of this world!!!!!!

Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: the fruit of the womb is his reward.

Psalms 127:3

I will not forget....

Here we are 9 nears after that day that will forever be etched in our minds. I can still remember where I was when I heard the news. I was shocked...they must have been mistaken. America didn't have to worry about being attacked by terrorists....that kind of stuff only happens in third world countries - not the USA. I think we all lost a little bit of "comfort" and "security" we had by being an American and living in the land of the free. I come from a family that has served their country by being in the armed forces. My dad retired from the Air Force...yeah, I am a Air Force brat and proud of it. One of my brothers was a Marine and the other served in the Air Force. I was patriotic long before 9/11 hit. My heart goes out to the families that lost their lives in the terrorist attack. Innocent people who just reported to work and their lives and families changed forever. I hope America NEVER forgets....I know this girl won't.



It also is a stark reminder that any day could be our last. Just as these people got up and went to work, never expecting this would be their last day on this earth. The last time they would kiss their family goodbye or talk on the phone with their loved ones. Had they known, I am sure they would have held on to their loved ones a little longer, apologized for some wrong doing, or forgiven somebody who had wronged them. The Bible warns us that our life is like a vapor, appearing only a little while and vanishes away. We need to live our lives in such a way that if it is our last day, we will not leave with regrets. Let your family know each and every day that you love them and cherish them. More importantly, make sure you are ready to step into eternity.

The Lord is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?
Psalms 118:6

Not a rookie anymore

Miss Floyd - Part II

Jamie has started her second year of teaching! Wow, what a fast first year. She was thinking about taking a second job over the summer, but I thought it would do her good to take some time off. I have always known that teaching wasn't for sissys, but just never realized how tough of a job it really is until Jamie started teaching. While she absolutely loves her job, her job is managing lots and lots of tweens in the throes of puberty. Nuff said. A summer off is just what every teacher needs...sorta like a reward for not killing any students during the school year. She tries to make learning math fun....( is that even possible??) I hope she stays enthusiastic over her job and over her students. With the way public schooling is headed, it is a job that will just keep getting harder and harder as the years go by.

Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Proverbs 22:15