Love Lost

My parents on their wedding day!

While looking for the poem I just posted about my mom, I came across two writings my daddy wrote about my mom shortly after her death. I knew my dad loved and missed my mom, but I never knew the depth of his lonliness until after he died. He kept a journal after she died, and to be honest, some of it is hard to read. He basically just detailed what he did each day...not much that would interest anybody else, but he always ended each day with talking about loving and missing his wife. I always invited him to dinner and places we went so he wouldn't be alone, but even with all that he still felt lonely without his wife. I am thankful to say, once he met Nadine, he quit journaling. Nadine is an incredible woman that reminds me of my mom. She never felt threatened by my mom and we always felt comfortable in talking openly about her. She said she got to benefit from my daddy loving my mama so much. She understood that my daddy loving my mama did not diminish the love he felt for her. I used to tell daddy how blessed he was to have the love of two great women.

The two pieces below is not from his journal, but just random writings he wrote soon after my mom died. I agonized over whether I should post something he wrote that was so personal, but I hope it encourages anybody that reads it and shows the love relationship that God intended between man and wife.

The time for weeping is drawing nigh, but a deep hurt has set in, a deep longing and a feeling of lonliness with no one who really cares for you any more. O' the day runs together, one just like the other with a boredom and lonliness undescribable. You "play the clown" with "I'm getting along fine", but the truth is you feel like you are made of stone. You long for companionship, but who would you find that would be compatible with you and you with them? You are looking for someone who is like the one you grieve for, but in your heart you know it won't happen. I dread the times when I am really getting old and the idea that I will be alone. Alone in sickness, alone in heart, yes, alone in death. The children have their own lives and family to think and care about. I had my Nan, but no more, no more. Yes, I have my memories - I will always have them, but they fade into the recesses on my mind to be called up another day. I always think that my Nan is always with me, she is in the rain that falls, in the soft breeze that brushes my cheeks, or blows my hair. She speaks to me through the soft murmer of the wind as it slips through the leaves in the trees. My life is in the sun down, soon to be the twilight. I'll not regret it or dwell on it. I love life, but won't be sorry to join the one I love in eternal rest.


Here is his second writing -

My love, you have been with the Lord now just over ten months now, and the pain is just as great. We celebrated your birthday again this year. O love, how I miss you my heart. I grieve for you and my heart is so pained, but I'll not wish you back, for it would be selfish of me to do so. You greet me with the soft breeze on my face, you speak to me when the wind is in the trees, you walk with me each day. I can feel you there. Oh how lucky I was that you came into my life 38 years ago. We were so lucky - we had four wonderful children and as of now, seven grandchildren. Our blood will live on for generations to come. If ever anyone should read this note, don't cry for me. For we are together again...me and Nan.



Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Genesis 2:24