Joys of Motherhood

My mother has been on my mind a lot here lately....maybe it was her birthday this past weekend. To be honest, there are not a lot of days where I don't think of her in some way. I lost her almost 16 years ago and still miss her very much. There are some days I would give everything I own just to talk to her or ask her something. Thankfully, I KNOW I will see her again. There is so much insight you get when you become a mother yourself and especially when you get older. I was not a perfect child by no means, but I was a "pleaser" and really didn't get into a lot of trouble. In our house growing up, "sassy mouths" were not tolerated and believe you me, as a third child, I learned by watching the older siblings and learned from their mistakes. I can honestly say that I don't ever remember fighting with my mom. I am not saying it never happened, but if it did, it didn't happen enough to make a memory in my head. ( Does that make sense??) Like I said, I was not perfect, but I say all that to say this.....I know I probably grieved my mom's heart at times. I know I probably hurt her a lot more than I ever gave thought to. I probably made her cry at times. I probably worried her at times. I wish I could tell her just one more time how much I loved her and to tell her that I am sorry if I every did any of the above mentioned things.

Motherhood is the best and the worst of jobs. You take on this child for LIFE...which does not come with a owners manual. Until you become a mother, you just can't understand how you can love something so much. You know you would protect and cherish this child with everything that is in you. Normally, we love people as we get to know them, but not so with our children. It is love at first sight and it really does change everything about you. All mama's have this "mama bear" sydrome when it comes to our babies.

I remember when I had my first child...boy, was I shocked. This precious baby girl was planned, loved, and wanted....but I had NO idea what all went into caring for a baby. I was only 21. You go from being scared that you are going to kill your newborn ( or at least I did ) , to sleepless nights and functioning as a zombie. Somewhere along the way, you find out that they are not as fragile as they look and you learn along the way. I remember one night Kelly was awake for over 24 hours straight. Kelly and I both cried and rocked all night long.....and what a long night it was. I can also remember some nights loading her in the car at midnight to ride her around to get her to fall asleep. Funny thing is, I now hold these memories dear to my heart. I would have never dreamed all those years ago that I would look back with fondness, but I do. Two years later, when I had Jamie, I honestly did not think I would ever sleep a decent night again. Thankfully, Jamie slept a lot better than Kelly ever did.

Motherhood is not for sissys. You have to function in a alot of different roles. In any given day, you are a chauffeur, nurse, cook, maid, cheerleader, personal shopper, counselor, vet, social event planner...and the list could go on and on. Yet, in spite of all the rushing around and putting yourself last, this is what motherhood is all about and you know in your heart that you wouldn't have it any other way.

As mothers, we get to watch our babies grow from sweet toddlers to the moody years of adolescence. We have to suffer their growing pains right along with them. Motherhood can at times be exhausting work. We give and give and give, sometimes with little thanks or recognition. Motherhood is a 24/7 job that starts at birth and never stops. We endure all this with the hopes of one day we will be rewarded with an adult friendship with our children. I tell any young parents with small chilren - just hang in there, because an adult relationship is the bestest thing! You just have to get there first - but let me add, that I never wanted to rush through any stage....well, maybe a little during the teenager years.

Letting go has probably been my hardest part. It was hard to let go for me ( and I still struggle )- I guess it is because I have enjoyed EVERY stage of my girls lives. We experience several letting go's that pull at our heart - when they start school , when they would rather hang with friends, when they search of independence as a teenager, and move out for college. It is a continual process that we mothers have to work on. Your kids see it as "no big deal", but to us moms, it is a HUGE deal. We have spent all our lives doing for them and it is hard to stop. The fear of the unknown is always lurking in the back of our minds. I have always heard that is just as bad for a mother to "not let go" as it is to "let go too soon". That is where our faith has to come in. God loves my girls move than I do, so I have to let go and let God. Commit their lives and well being to him each and every day. They will make mistakes and hopefully they will learn from them. I raised my girls to be independent and maybe I did too good of a job of that. I don't want to be guilty of holding them so tight that God can't move them in the way they should go. It is something I pray about everyday - to entrust my children to God. I can't be with them every single day, but He can.

I once heard a preacher compare a mother's love for a child as the closest we can come to understanding God's love for us. There is nothing our child can do to make us stop loving and caring for them. Do we always agree with their choices or decisions? No, but that does not mean we don't love them and support them. There is nothing that can makes us turn our backs on them.

There are so many things I would do different if given another chance. I made plenty of mistakes along the way - but in spite of me, my girls have turned out to be beautiful, sweet, and hardworking young ladies. I am so proud of them. No, motherhood is not for sissys. It is a hard, never ending job....but the pay and benefits are out of this world!!!!!!

Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: the fruit of the womb is his reward.

Psalms 127:3