Losing my inner Martha

I must confess that here lately, I have been losing my inner Martha. You know Martha - she was the sister of Mary. She was the great hostess that opened up her home to Jesus and His disciples. She worried, she fretted, and was upset with Mary for not helping her out. She even accused Jesus of not caring that she was doing all of the work. Yeah, I got a little ( ok, a lot ) of her in me....but let me explain.

Since my mom died 16 years ago, I have taken on the role of the hostess on my side of the family for all the holidays and most all other get togethers. Starting this year, I have taken on my husband's side as well. Let me start off by saying this: I love, love, love doing it and wouldn't have it any other way. I have always loved opening my home up to company. I was always the mom that allowed the girls to have plenty of sleepovers, fright nights, Iron Bowl parties, and such. But as any woman knows, this requires a lot of work. There is plenty of planning, cooking, and cleaning to do. On top of that I am a working wife and a working mom. Did I mention that I work outside the home? You get my point. Pulling off any hostessing event takes work. Top it off with a husband that always worked such long hours that he normally showed up just in time to sit down to eat or either fell asleep once he hit his recliner.

I always pressured myself to open up my home only in a spotless condition. I wanted the floors clean enough to eat off of and the toilet bowls sparking. I wanted every speck of dust to be gone. I wanted the meal to taste as though it was prepared by a gourmet chef in a kitchen that would pass a health inspection. The problem with all this is that in order to get this all done, I would have to start a week in advance. This would have been fine if I didn't have a full time job, a husband and two small kids. Cleaning a week in advance of the event would have been like shoveling snow out of your driveway while it is still snowing. I put such high expectations on myself - expectations that had no regard for my time constraints or limitations. That is when my Martha would come out. Grumbling, fretting, worrying, and yes, even complaining. Just like Martha, I loved what I was doing and why I was doing it - I just lost the joy while actually doing it. I was letting the burden of the work overshadow the joy of the event. I can look back now and see that nobody really cared about the condition of my home. Nobody ever commented about how clean my toilets were. They don't reminisce about my tasty home cooked meals. In fact, I see now that it is not about everything being perfect - it is more about the time we spent together. That is all that really matters. I hope that when my guests look back, they won't remember the condition of my floors or marvel at my dust free home. I don't want to be remembered for my meals. I hope they look back and say they felt loved, welcomed, and comfortable in my home. So the next time you are a guest in my home, please forgive me if it wouldn't pass a white glove inspection. I am learning to have a Mary heart in a Martha body.

Do all things without murmurings and disputings.
Phillipians 2:14